There are so many different way to live life and different wisdom to practice in life.
for example, we don't need to always seek and search and put too much effort...
sometime when you keep the intention and open oneself to what comes toward..that might be what you seek.
Sophia: Reflexology
It was the full moon night, I walked down to the gate of Emerson College, waiting for a Taxi, A car turned to us and stopped, sliding down the window;
‘Hi, Nana, so nice to see you’. It was Sophia.
Sophia,
Last year on 21st Dec, I performed ‘What is Love’ at the Ruskin hall in Emerson College. Performing time: 56min, the last scene, I blew the candle light….and when the sound of the Kalimba had completely stopped…. A pinch of silence in the space, the audience started to applaud and some people started to stand up, more people stood up. The whole audience, about 150 people stood up and gave us an applause I will never forget that moment in my life…. A few days after I got a card from Jeremy, who introduced me before the performance, ‘this is from Sophia’. Sophia is Jeremy’s wife. In the card there was a gift voucher for reflexology, and saying that she would like to invite me for a treatment as a gift for my performance. This is how I got to know her. We met three times . I appreciated so much her personality, her warmth, her softness, like the warm golden light an hour before the sunset.….one word to describe her is ‘ mothering’, during the treatment I felt like a little girl who just wants to be hugged by her mother.
‘Nana, so nice to see you’.
I have been wanting to contact her since I found the cyst. Now, she is in front of me.
‘Sophia, I found a big cyst…. ’
Three days later, I was sitting in front of her at her clinic. Again and again I am amazed by how life works.. I explained to her
‘So can you tell me what did you do since you found the cyst ? ’
‘oh Sophia, so much to tell you, till now I met seven different healers.…’
and I explained everything in details what had happened till now and what I have been working on during the last half month. also some insights, understandings, questions… while I was sharing to her, I could hear the echo of my voice and I realised that it has been very intense days…I was concerned if it is indeed a bit too much…
‘I am sorry if it is too much for you to hear… ’
‘No worries. I’m just very impressed… now, could you come to the bed and lie down. We can start the treatment. I call it a healing through the feet’
Her treatment bed was always so cosy, when I lay down, she covered me with a silk fabric and blanket, like being in a cocoon. And she put my socks on the radiator, so when I wear them again they will be warm. On the left side, there were dates and walnuts on the table for me to eat. Every single thing is caring. I was drawn to a picture on the wall, two snakes winding around the sward, and a white rose in the middle. she said that is the Caduceus, a symbol of healing.
‘Does Felipe support you well?’
‘……..Yes, so much , I feel so loved ’
‘oh I am so happy for you Nana, that you met a good man, who you love, who loves you’
and tears came out from Sophia’s eyes… …she had a smile with tears. I started to cry…
‘Yes, indeed. And my mother will be very happy for me, she will be so happy that I met Felipe… ’
‘He is a such a gentle man’
‘Yes, he is’
when a mother cries, often the daughter cries… I felt that we had those kinds of tears together. she said these are HOLY TEARS…which people wipe on their handkerchief to keep them.
After half month, analysing, reflection, recalling, letting go, somehow running in this healing path without realising how intense it was, now I felt that I am indeed tired…Suddenly my whole body became heavy, I felt like I was melting in to the bed…even down to the ground… And Sophia started to touch my feet.
Was I sleeping? Was I dreaming? Was I floating? maybe in between… dream like, slowness of being, time, spaces.. one point I felt like I was inside water… like inside the womb. Sounds were vacuumed, cradle like movements…around us there was a thick bubble, I don’t know how long time had passed….
her voice whispered..
‘Our father who is in the heaven…
This is……this is the prayer I looked for when I found the cyst…this is the prayer
I have been meditating with….soft tears came out.
Our Father who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
Moment of silence….and I whispered.
‘Our Mother who is the light of all existence
Hollowed be thy name, …..’
Something was reassuring. I felt that whatever illness I have, this is given to me from the higher worlds. I opened my eyes. Sophia came closer to me and sat next to me.
‘Nana, I have to tell you something, during my treatment, I saw a saint who had……. ’
She shared an image of my past life.
She told me that if I had to do operation, I can take it as a ceremony. Don't be afraid
She lent me a book ‘Woman body women wisdom’
She said ‘this is my gift to you, don’t feel you owe me, you shared your performance this is just I am giving back what I have gotten from your performance…. ’
She gave me a gift voucher for Felipe’
She gave me some of her sweaters, socks, and a blanket.
As it was so much to carry, she even gave me a lift back home….
When I arrived, my heart was full of gratitude. And it was so huge… so huge like an enormous wave in the ocean. It seemed that waves could swallow me… so that I had to sit down on the couch and breathe…
Sometimes when you receive so much, one point you don’t know anymore how to receive. I sat quietly and breathe and let my self to be surrounded by gratitude.
And I have to share this huge love not only to myself, but send it back to the spiritual world that ‘They’ know that so much love exists on the human world.
Briany
In the evening, I received a text from Sophia,
‘Nana. I met my dear friend Briany after you left and she had the same experience like you, she used to have a ovarian tumour but she got rid of it naturally, I told about you and she will be happy to meet you if you want.’
I had been wanting to meet someone who healed herself naturally in person, I texted B,
‘Hi, Nana , we can meet tomorrow’
Now I live life as if I don’t have tomorrow.
Next day, I walked towards the Tablehurst farm, where I met Briany for the first time. she held the workshop to make Biodynamic preparations every year, I attended her workshop last year to see if this could be an activity for young people. And I met her for the second time when I presented the work in SEKEM, she came and said she has been interested in visiting. How life works we never know, and how people come together we never know. now two women encounter again….around my cyst.
We sat on the top of the hill, next to Biodynamic preparation barrels. I told my stories and she told her stories…. from time to time I nodded as I could well understand what she was saying, what she meant….after the sunset, she asked me
‘Would you like to go to my caravan? ’ and we continued…
she started to boil some water in the cattle,
‘I asked the doctor, how long I could delay the operation….’
He told her he could give her 6 months, so she started her healing journey , knowing that if it is still there after that time she will do the surgery. she was not sure if it was possible, as she thought it might be too late for physical body to heal, even emotional and spiritual work is done. After 6 months, she went back and it was gone.
‘wow! What did you do?’
‘to forgive… and accept’
‘I ‘thought’ I already forgave my father. But now I am not so sure anymore,
what is it? to Forgive? How do you know that you truly have forgiven?’
‘If you forgive someone, when you see the person, there is nothing of anger, sadness left. And you fully accept who he/she is.
Can you fully forgive and accept your father who he is? '
We carried on our conversation. I was sharing some reasons that I think why cyst have appeared and have grown…at one point, I mentioned that I might have taken the world pain, taking in what other people suffer….
She paused for a while and asked me with a sharp voice.
‘Why do you take pain?’
Why do I take pain…?….
‘ummm….as I wish someone to feel less pain.....?.....’
.
.
.
.
with my little hands, again I hold a tissue box in front of my mother,
‘Mum I will be your tissue box, so whenever you cry I will come and wipe your tears’
She was lying on the bed, tears came out from her bruised eyes.
Many times I remember my mother face like this,... lying on the bed , looking at me and crying. Even I wrote a poem about it, that I want to be a tissue box of my mother.
.
.
I told this story to Briany.
“Why do you take pain? “
‘I wanted to take some of her pain, so she could feel less.’
‘Share her pain…so she could feel less pain..’… she repeated what I said thoughtfully.
‘so do you think she felt less pain? ’
‘………… not really… ’
‘so why do you take pain?’
And she told me that most of times people cannot share pain, often it make pain double. Like me and my mother, I was suffering and my mother still suffers.
Even If I can take her pain to me, it is not my responsibility to take her pain, it belongs to each one. it is her task to deal with certain pain that came to her life.
In the beginning it was hard for me to understand, but I can feel there is a truth…
.
.
.
When I was 19 years old, I was ‘actively’ looking for a religion.
Life was beyond my hand, beyond my understanding, beyond my capacity. I was overwhelmed by the situation given to me. So I wanted to rely on…..something beyond.
I went to a cathedral
I went to a protestant church,
And I went to a Buddhist temple.
I started to share my entire story of my family to a Biguni, a Buddhist nun, she listened and said
‘You know , that is your mother’s karma. Don’t take too much her karma upon your shoulder. that is not right, you have enough to take care of your karma. ’
When I heard this, I burst into tears… I bend myself to the floor and I cried and cried.
I knew that I will not leave my mother, nor my sister and brother. But to hear ‘It is not my karma , it is actually not my responsibility.’ Something freed in my soul.
And she gave me the Buddhist name: ‘yeun- hwa-su’ Lotus practice .
.
.
.
.
May be this is one of the themes…..
Do not over take responsibilities.
Take care of myself, Love myself.
We had talked more than three hours.
And then she said she doesn’t need to get paid, she said she feels that she needed to meet me. we arranged to meet again another time.
Next day was Michaelmas day.
And I decided to go to Korea.
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