This world we live in. everything is measure by numbers.
All the values are calculated by numbers.
Is it true?
.
.
After I decided to start on the healing journey, The first thing was to look for a place to live, an affordable place. Very luckily a person who just bought a flat in Emerson College was looking for a tenant. He heard our situation so just for the first month he will allow us to stay with half price rent, as it is temporally. But for the second month it will be the normal price. One month. That is perfect for us. So for the first time, Me and Felipe entered this new flat by ourselves. We often stayed with a family, on a friend’s couch in their living room, house sitting or in a tent. Is this about money?
Anyway I appreciate that I could have this space for healing in the place where I call 'home': Emerson College.
First few days, I went to Seasons shop and Gaia (Organic food, natural medicine shop) to buy what I needed, the good stuff for ovarian cysts. At Gaia, I was looking for capsules, turmeric, dong qui etc – the prices were like ‘£12’ , ‘£15’…….’! ’ every time I looked at the price, I have to breathe deeply, It is okay, this is what I need now. numbers don’t matter.
When I arrived back home, on the shelf there was a Baguette, which has a label that says ‘discount 25p’ …I asked Felipe ‘What is this?’ He said from now on he will save money and we have to be careful on what we spend.
‘Felipe, it will be never enough, if you save like this, I would rather want you to eat a good bread, this is not the way to save money in this point. You might need to eat this bread for 3 years to afford a treatment. I am sorry to say this but Just eat what we normally eat…please’
The day before the first treatment, Angela left an envelope- it says ‘for your treatment’. Angela is a good friend of us who also moves around from house to house to save money so that she can do her social art project…. I cannot take this money.
Next day, I went to visit Rachel and Lindsey. Rachel told me she was checking flights to Korea so that I can do a surgery back at my home country and she even checked the business class so that I can lay down during the 12 hours of flight and she asked me
‘Guess, how much?’
…...'?’…….
‘£7000!’
'!!!!'
I started to laugh, Rachel laughed, we laughed, we laughed and we laughed. Money, sometimes we just have to laugh. I told her that I was thinking to create a website to share this journey and also to fundraise. She looked at me and said,
‘Nana, just surrender, at this point don’t try too hard, don’t go to internet, we will do it for you, just surrender and take care of your health, focus on your health’ ,
I understand what she meant.... but.........
These people, dear friends, dear friends. I am blessed to be surrounded by these friends.
The other day, Rachel texted me ‘Where are you?’ ‘At Hayley’s house’
Some minutes later, knock, knock, knock. Rachel came in with a black hat,
'This is for you my friend, bye bye ’ she left some money and a note with a verse:
…now…….I needed to cry….for gratitude.
These people, these people. Which I call ‘my Family’
.
.
.
In 2013, I experienced a family which have no blood relation. I broke my right ankle, I was too worried my mother will be too upset, I didn’t tell my parents in Korea. I had an operation to put 9 screws and a plate on my ankle bone. and for six weeks, I was wearing a cast which i was not allow to put any weight on my foot.
Duncan came to pick me up from the hospital to bring me back home. My room which was at the attic on the second floor in Pixton was already moved to Oak tree house on the ground floor where there are no stairs to climb. Trustees of Emerson discussed on my situation and they decided to keep my rent same as with the smaller room from before. Every morning when I woke up, I saw two rice balls next to my head. Yumi, a student from Visual Arts, cooked and brought for me. When I stood up to walk, all the doors seemed like automatic doors, as everyone opened them for me. Everyday Marta came to inject me, as I couldn’t even see a needle. BB came to read the book of ‘Jonathan Livingston Seagull’, Pricilla and Ilona came with wild flowers every now and then, Ahlfield came and cleaned the dry flowers away as she said we have to refresh the energy and she read 'the Calendar of the soul’ in German every day. Michael picked me up and we talked about Anthroposophy for 5-6 hours. Every Sunday I started to go to the Christian community. Chris brought a wheel chair so that I could go to different talks in Ruskin hall. My teachers from Eurythmy school, came with soup and did Hallelujah for me and so on and on and on. This was my new family at ‘The Emerson College Community’. And that was only the beginning,
A year after I did crowd funding for my final year of study, again they supported me so much for the journey from the making a video to share my fundrasing website with more people. On my graduation performance, everyone came to witness my work after my 4 years of intense training which my parents didnt know what i was studying about. After that I jumped into a process of creating a one woman show, I performed so many times to get some feedback from the community. and last year during the holy nights, I had to do another operation to remove nine screws from the previous surgery, and they took care of me. How many lifts I had asked to the people in the community. Practically, emotionally they have been supporting me so much and witnessed my life together last seven years. If i really calculate all the support i have got how much it could be?
this is beyond any number. beyond the measurement.
Now again, people from the community started to text me.
‘How are you, if you need help, let me know'
'Do you need anything? ’
'Do you need a lift to somewhere?'
How can people give and receive love so much without having a blood connection?
What make us help and serve? Without being blood family? relatives? same nation?
Catch the butterfly.
Send it into icy heights where cosmic dreams hold sway
If it becomes for you a bird,
Then you have done half the work.
Plunge the bird into the depths of the sea where cosmic will works
If the bird drowns
Then there remains still for you
To burn purifying in fire
The corpse of the bird
Then Consume the ash
And you are the light in cosmic darkness.
So I decided to ask for help to the wider community in the world, those who are able and who are willing to support this journey.
I opened my laptop and typed “The money story”
How to be vulnerable, how to be honest,
ask for support and love, not for sympathy.
How to ask for trust.
After three days, over £600 was donated, and this is beyond the number.
This is love, support, trust, hope, appreciation between human.
Sometimes, I just need to cry for gratitude.
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